


pda (stands for "publicly disturbing affection")

by starblessed



Category: Band of Brothers
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Bars and Pubs, Friends Who Put Up With Too Much, M/M, Modern Era, Public Display of Affection
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-27
Updated: 2020-06-27
Packaged: 2021-03-04 03:27:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 922
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24936775
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/starblessed/pseuds/starblessed
Summary: In which Babe and Gene are, frankly, gross.------alt. summary: So you know that one vine, where that couple is making out in the middle of a restaurant, and some guy's filming while pointing at them, like "Is this allowed?? Is that allowed??" ...  yeah.
Relationships: Babe Heffron/Eugene Roe
Comments: 8
Kudos: 49





	pda (stands for "publicly disturbing affection")

**Author's Note:**

> Of course, the characters in this fic are based off of their fictional portrayals from the miniseries Band of Brothers, and I mean no disrespect to the real-life veterans!
> 
> Find me on tumblr at [renelemaires](http://renelemaires.tumblr.com/)!

Gene Roe has been sitting in Babe’s lap for the past… oh, twenty minutes now, and it’s making everybody really damn uncomfortable.

Okay, maybe _everybody’s_ just Julian. Honestly, he’s not sure how many people have noticed; between Webster and Liebgott’s karaoke catastrophe, Nixon trying to have an argument with his ex-wife over the din of the whole bar, Luz and Talbert doing shots like frat girls on Spring Break… there’s a lot going on tonight. Gene and Roe, sitting quietly in their booth munching pretzels, are the least offensive people in here.

Except in Julian’s opinion, they’re downright _egregious,_ because this is a public fuckin’ space, and his best friend’s been nipping at his boyfriend’s neck every few minutes.

“Hey —” He sends an elbow into Spina’s ribs, distracting him from whatever vine compilation he’s watching on his phone. Julian nods emphatically to the doting duo. “What the fuck is going on there?”

Spina takes one look, disinterested, before turning back to his vines. “They’re spooning, ‘pparently.”

_“Spooning?”_

“Yeah. It’s like — like —” Fumbling, Spina tries to mime his example, before giving up and just kind of hugging himself. “Like cuddling. You got your arms, you got your legs, you got bodies brushing against each other… supposed to be romantic. Probably never been done in this joint before, so maybe they’re trying to set a record.”

“I dunno. Speirs dragged Lip into the bathroom half an hour ago, and they ain’t been seen since. Whatever the record is, they’re setting it.”

Spina shakes his head. “They’re canoodling. That’s different.”

“Canoodling supposed to leave you walkin’ funny in the morning?”

“Yeah, when it’s done right.”

Julian snorts, taking another sip of his coke. When he looks up, the two lovebirds are still at it. Babe’s got one hand draped idly around Gene’s chest, as Gene lounges back against him. They’re both watching the karaoke, or at least pretending to. When Babe tips his head forward, he buries his face in Gene’s neck for a few seconds; Gene’s lips twitch. Even when Babe pulls away, he rests his chin on top of Gene’s head.

Something acrid splashes in the back of Julian’s throat. Grumbling, he buries his face in his drink, flicking through his phone for any appropriate distraction.

“Looks like Bill and Toye are about to do some Spice Girls,” says Spina.

“A meteor could crash through the goddamn bar right now, and you still could not get me to look up.” Maybe that’d be a godsend. Maybe it’d take out Babe and Gene, and the karaoke machine, before Bill can murder all their poor ears.

Spina humms. Like all his humms, this one comes with subtitles: _there’s probably a reason you’re so uncomfortable with public displays of affection, and that reason’s probably why you’re even more uncomfortable when it’s your friends showing off that affection… and maybe all that discomfort doubles back to your ‘more-persistent-than-herpes’ virginity, which you haven’t managed to kick despite burning through three ex-girlfriends._

Well, Spina can shut the hell up. Julian just has dignity. They’re in public, and no one needs to see the grossest couple on earth being even grosser than usual.

“Stop judging me,” Julian says. “Judge them instead.”

“Don’t worry, I am.” Then — “Oh. Huh.”

“I don’t wanna look.”

“Better not. Babe’s hand just went under the table, and Gene’s liking it.”

“For fuck’s —” Julian’s head shoots up, despite ever instinct screaming at him to run. He gets an eyeful, and immediately feels like he’s gotta wash ‘em out with milk. “Is that allowed? Can they do that? Is that allowed?”

“Definitely not.” Spina’s gaze doesn’t waver from the lovebirds for a second. It’s a little weird. Julian elbows him again.

“They realize this is the sorta behavior that got Webster and Liebgott banned from the club, right?”

“And the ice skating rink.”

“And the state fair.”

“And the library.”

Gene turns his head, just enough to mutter something in Babe’s ear. Babe pauses, hand slipping back into G-rated view above the table. When Gene says something else, he lets out a little laugh — and, before Gene can pull away, darts in to give him a peck on the lips.

It’s annoyingly cute, and Julian’s gonna have a stroke.

“I’m gonna call the police.”

“Better not. National guard’s already on their way.” Following Spina’s gaze, Julian spots Johnny Martin, who’s abandoned his bartender position and is now slicing through the crowd like a hot knife in butter. He’s armed with his best scowl, and the fire extinguisher. His eyes are locked on Babe and Gene.

Julian lets out a cackle like a tortured muppet. It startled Spina enough that he nearly tumbles sideways off his seat, gripping his chest.

“You,” he says, “are a sick little man.”

Julian couldn’t care less, because Babe and Gene have spotted Martin too. They start to scramble like marbles in a blizzard. Gene balks on Babe’s lap, Babe tries to twist out from under him, and somehow Gene ends up smacking his knee on the table at the exact same time as he elbows Babe in the chest.

Martin cocks his weapon. Still wincing and grumbling, Babe and Gene slide to opposite ends of the bench, holding up their hands.

Next to him, Spina huffs a laugh. “What d’you think would happen if we tipped him off about Speirs in the bathroom?”

Julian’s Sparta has fallen — he’ll attack Athens another damn day. “Buddy, I’m gonna leave that one up to you,” he replies, and drains his Coke in a single gulp.


End file.
